janineds:

Believe it or not, but life is a little hard for me right now. I know that there people out there who are in far worse cases than me when it comes to living life day by day, but I’m not used to this type of stress and I’m just tired of holding this in. Every day, five days a week, I wake up at 5 in the morning and I have about 20 minutes to get ready…everyone knows that I have the hardest time waking up in the morning plus I take forever to get ready so I’m already stressed as soon as I wake up haha. Anyways, my dad and I leave the house by 5:40AM and head to the OC area because that’s where I go to school…school starts at eight but the drive from my house to there takes an hour to two hours with unpredictable traffic. I try my best to stay on top of what goes on in class every day but nursing is just complicated to begin with plus it takes so much focus and attention to keep up with this accelerated LVN program. I admit, school days are lonely for me because i always find myself having a hard time opening up to people or ‘fitting in’ so I haven’t really gotten to know anyone yet and I spend most of the day alone. When i get out of class at 2:30 I go to the library every day to study and all that, and I stay there for 4 hours because I do have to wait for my dad to get out of work, then we go through our long drive back home all over again. Driving that far every day back and forth is more tiring than it seems and all I have time for when I get home is a quick dinner, shower,  a short talk with Charles and say goodnight then straight to sleep. I have exams every Wednesday-Friday so all I really have time for on the weekends is studying and homework. I do everything to make time for my family and Charles but sometimes I feel like I don’t get enough of that time. Time with them is the only thing that keeps me going and Charles and I try to see each other at least once a week because he is my main source of happiness and without him, I’d be severely depressed right now haha. Every little chance that we get to be together, whether in person or over the phone, is so important to me…and I really hope he understands that.
So that barely sums up what’s going on in my life right now…and you can tell that school is taking over. I’m not trying to complain or anything, and because of a recent tragic event that just happened in my life, I’ve realized how thankful I should be for the life that I’m living and I’ve realized that it could be taken away from me instantly. All I’m trying to say is that I am STRESSED OUT AND TIRED. My plan was to hide the fact that school was stressing me out, but doing that won’t help me at all. Ive also been trying to avoid anything else that causes me stress because I already have as much as it is. No one really understands how tired I’ve been lately, except my dad, because he basically goes through every day with me and so much more. I’m just trying to let out whats eating away in my mind because sometimes expressing how you feel makes you feel better and I don’t really have any one else who has the time to listen. It’s only been a little over a month of going through this and I believe everyone who constantly remind me that this is only the beginning and it will get harder. But I’ll get through it, all I need is self-determination with the help of those who support me…and I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it in the end.

This is one of my classmates from school. I thought I had a hectic schedule but mine is nothing compared to hers. Let me know if you ever need anything Janine <3